Being More than ‘Nice.’

Story time: one of the first transformative experiences that I had in college was in a history class titled Creating Contemporary America.

Dr. Pollock was not a woman to mince words, and so when WASP behavior, the creation of the American suburb, ticky tacky houses, and ‘nice work’ became the topic of conversation, she didn’t hold back. “What is the POINT of ‘making nice?’ why have pointless conversations about the weather or peewee sports to be likable?” Is never having a ruffled interaction worth a 100 non memorable conversations? What about 1000? A lifetime?

I realized it wasn’t. I have to assume that I only get one life, one chance to EXPERIENCE. I don’t want to spend it biting my tongue, telling half truths to lubricate interactions or feigning interest or sweetness. If someone doesn’t regard me in a positive light, why should I care? Why be ‘nice’?? Why allow your defining characteristic be a lack of interesting experience? I can think of fewer things more distasteful than for this to be my descriptor. ” For fucks sake, BE SOMETHING, anything else.” I told myself. I did not/do not want to be a glass half full, rose tinted glasses person, because this person is in denial. They live in a pleasant Matrix and for this they have my disdain.

To be clear, being KIND is not the same as being nice. Sometimes people need an unpleasant but beneficial reality check. To avoid it, is Nice. To tackle it for their benefit or others is kind. To fight for things that are right is kind, but it is not nice and is often unpleasant. Sometimes ‘nice’ masquerades as kind or kind may be mistaken for nice. The difference is in quality.

‘Nice’ is vanilla. It’s sweet without intensity. The remaining taste in your mouth after a ‘nice’ interaction is as much about what you don’t experience (challenge, intensity, excitement, anger, passion) as what you do.

Be brave.

See things as they are.

Have more depth than superficial pleasantness.

Be more interesting than everyone’s cup of tea.

Be more challenging than likeable.

Be more than nice.

For many reasons this thought has been working its way through my brain. Too many times biting my tongue in the hospital setting? One too many times hearing “but they’re soo nice” as an excuse?

Maybe it’s being passed over for the easier/more palatable option too many times that has effected this post. Regardless, I will continue to be more than just nice.

-NM

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Grief for the Normal

As a person who has long prided oneself on not being normal I have to admit; I really miss it.

I miss being able to just get in my car and go to the store without anxiety.

I miss seeing friends whenever our schedules coincided.

I miss packed restaurants, bars and music venues.

I miss normal….

Ive been thinking about why everything and everyone seems so shitty this year, and I had a thought the other day that I can’t shake. I believe we are grieving. People are shitty when they are grieving and we Americans are, at best, entitled in normal times.

The order and nuances for the stages of grief can be argued by those more scholarly than myself; however, I do tend to see around me Anger, Sadness, Denial, Bargaining, Depression, and sometimes… Acceptance. I’m not sure if I’m ready to enter that last one but it seems that 2020 is trying to teach it to me anyway.

Since I had this realization a few days ago I have been trying to keep grief in mind when I interact with others. This is not only the understanding that I have grief and it affects how I interpret things, but that others do too. Their world’s have also been upended and they too miss their normal. Perhaps they are in denial that their normal is gone. Either way: understanding and sadness, or possibly just cognitive dissonance. I don’t feel that any of us are ok. Our new ‘normal’ requires changes, understanding and flexibility.

We may be tempted to ask “why me?” “Why should I be the understanding one?” Or even just “why did this have to happen to us, now?”

The best answer I have, and it is not perfect, comes in the form of a quote.

Frodo: “I wish none of this had happened.”

Gandalf: “So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

Keep Striving, You’ll Get There

At some point everyone has had goals that seemed impossible. Keep moving forward and eventually they will just be milestone in your rearview.

With love,

Dr. Mims

Midnight Wonderings

Laying in bed contemplating, mind wandering through wonderings.

A risky tangle, underbrush in which to stray…lost. Losing the forest in the trees. Or is it the other way around? Do I miss the picture in the details of memories or are the memories lost with the foreknowledge of their ending.

And I wonder if any thoughts like this plague your mind. Do you sleep soundly?

And I wonder if you care enough to wonder, even for a moment.

I wonder why I didn’t compare. And why I couldn’t. And why I give a fuck.

…And I know I’ll never know, and it wouldn’t matter if I did.

But still I lay here, and I wonder.

Fitness does not = Wellness

It’s easy to get caught up in trying to lose that last 5 pounds or get that one pose in yoga. Remember that exercise is an investment in your future self.

You’re in it for the long haul!

Best,

Nicole Mims. PT, DPT

About the Author:

This is NOT one of “those sites” where the author gives advice without evidence or confuses their opinions with fact. My name is Nicole Mims. I am a Physical Therapist living in Austin Texas. I was an RRCA certified running coach and a NASM certified Personal Trainer before going to school for my Doctorate in PT. I plan to discuss health and wellness with a holistic perspective. My life and education have equipped me to do this. I believe that people should have access to evidence based information to better their lives. In my effort to give back, this site is free and non ad driven.

I walk many different paths in my day to day. I’m an avid gym goer, PT, artist, advocate for sobriety, dog mom, lay buddhist, and often simply a human with all the related strengths and foibles. Advice here will be fact based with resources, but it will also be a sounding board for what I’ve found to be true in my life. Some articles are just personal expression of feelings that need a way out (located under personal). Hopefully we’ll both find something we can use here.

With love,

Nick

Perception changes experience. How do you view you?

How I see myself vs. how others perceive me has always been a topic of interest.  I love to have people tell me their first impressions of me later on in a friendship.  Most often it goes something like “you seemed really intense,” “you were very no-nonsense,” “I thought you were angry.”   Occasionally people see through my guise, usually not though.  It’s been there for a while.

Sometimes people develop an opinion of you that is completely wrong.  When the person who holds that opinion is important to us this can be devastating, and it can even cause us to doubt our view of ourselves.  The saying “after the third time you’re called a horse, it might be time to buy a saddle,” comes to mind.

What do we do when that view of us is not just wrong, but destructive?  This can affect how the mistaken person treats us, how others begin to see us, and how we perceive and even treat ourselves.

My initial thought as I write this is “I’m not sure.”  If you correct said person they will cling to their view further.  If you change how you act then in a way, you have accepted it.  I think a good first step is to reaffirm how you perceive yourself.

How do I view me?

• I am passionate
• I am ethical
• I am stubborn (sometimes to a fault)
• I am quick to anger, but also quick to apologize
• I am intelligent
• I am protective
• I am kind
• I have been prone to jealousy
• I love infrequently, but intensely
• I am strong
• I am brave
• I am proud
• I am silly
• I am attractive

I do not always remember all of the above.

If you are going through a tough time, especially if you are doubting yourself like I am right now, try this exercise with me.  Be honest but have self compassion (not self pity).

Lets repeat these to ourselves regularly and see if things change.

With love –